


No Secrets Between Friends

by Talvenhenki



Series: S5E16 fills [3]
Category: Star Trek: Deep Space Nine
Genre: Angst, Episode: s05e16 Doctor Bashir I Presume, Friendship, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Odo is a good friend, Post-Episode: s05e16 Doctor Bashir I Presume
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-20
Updated: 2021-02-20
Packaged: 2021-03-17 08:27:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,618
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29589993
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Talvenhenki/pseuds/Talvenhenki
Summary: After his parents leave the station, Julian tells Jadzia.
Relationships: Julian Bashir & Jadzia Dax
Series: S5E16 fills [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2164677
Comments: 2
Kudos: 16





	No Secrets Between Friends

**Author's Note:**

> Apparently my DS9 writing spree isn't over yet. I should have been reading a book in German while I wrote this but ehh, things happen.
> 
> No proofreading, we die like androgynous creatures!

It was late. The lights on the Promenade were dimming, and Quark’s was closing. Julian, sitting on the edge of the second level of the Promenade, wondered if anyone would notice him staying there all night. He wasn’t particularly keen on sleeping that night, not after the trials of the past few days. Julian was just starting to understand what had happened with his parents, that his father would actually go to jail. Somehow, it was making Julian angry, angrier than he though he had the right to be.

He wondered how long it would take for the whole station to find out about his genetic augmentations.

A familiar set of footsteps approached. Julian felt himself smiling at the normalcy of Constable Odo’s patrolling of the station. After his parents’ visit, even Odo’s existence was enough to make Julian feel better, even though Odo probably would just scoff at his thoughts. After all, Odo was the Constable and it was not his job to make people happy.

“Doctor”, said Odo, voice gruff as ever, “I hope you remember that loitering on the Promenade is strictly forbidden.”

Standing up, Julian faced Odo. “Yes, of course”, he muttered, “I was just about to leave.”

Odo harrumphed. “I see. I’ve noticed you looking rather grim after your parents left the station. I hope the visit did not end on a sour note?”

“No, no.” Julian shook his head. “Everything’s fine. Though, if you do come by any rumours about me in the coming weeks, I’d appreciate if you checked with me whether there’s any truth in them. I’d hate for you to have the wrong idea of who – or what – I am.”

Odo looked confused in a way that did not quite suit him. He opened his mouth, perhaps to ask what Julian meant, but was interrupted by a voice calling for Julian. It was Jadzia. Her shift must have ended hours before. She had just come out of Quark’s, having been playing tongo, apparently – she was carrying quite a few strips of latinum.

“You missed our dinner, Julian”, Jadzia said, having reached her friend, “I was worried. How come your parents left the station already? I was so looking forward to hearing what you were like as a child.”

Julian closed his eyes, sighing. He knew that Jadzia would find out about him, sooner or later. For a moment, Julian considered letting her find out from the rumours, but he decided against it. Jadzia was one of Julian’s best friends and she deserved to hear the truth from Julian himself.

“Let’s go somewhere more private”, Julian breathed. He was feeling a bit hazy, and not in the good way.

“You may use my office if you want”, Odo suggested, “it’s empty at the moment.”

Jadzia smiled. “Thank you, Odo.” She grabbed Julian’s arm and began to lead him towards the security office. Julian found himself following her – it was like he couldn’t quite control his limbs anymore. Not in the right way. He felt numb all over in the same way he’d felt back when he’d first found out about the augmentations that had been done to him.

Entering Odo’s office, Julian leaned against the nearest wall. He was hugging himself and his breaths were trembling somewhat. Jadzia claimed the nearest chair and looked up at Julian. She raised her eyebrows, as if to challenge him.

“Why are we here?” Jadzia asked. “Is there something I should know, or…?”

Julian sighed. “Yes”, he whispered, “there is something I want you to know. For a bit, I was considering that I’d let you find it out from the rumours, but it wouldn’t be fair. You’re one of my best friends, after all.”

Jadzia smiled. “I’m glad you think of me like that”, she said, “and I agree. You’re one of my best friends as well. Now, what is this about?”

Julian was feeling faint. “It’s about my past”, he explained, “when I was a child, my parents did something illegal and I was forced to cover it up, because it concerned me. They were found out only now, and my father went to prison for it. I thought I was ready to forgive them but I’m starting to feel like I can’t.”

Jadzia was about to say something, but Julian managed to speak first. “What do you think I was like as a child?”

“I…don’t see the connection”, Jadzia mumbled, “but if I were to guess, I’d imagine you were very tall even as a child, and quite talkative.” Grinning, she added, “you probably were the teacher’s pet, or something.”

Shaking his head, Julian closed his eyes. “I wasn’t. No, I was short and clumsy, and while I spoke a lot, it wasn’t in any real language. My only friend was my teddy bear Kukalaka. I didn’t even know that he wasn’t a real, living being. I…I had multiple learning disabilities. So many, in fact, that my teachers told my parents that I should have been put to a special needs class and to speech therapy.”

Frowning, Jadzia shook her head. “That doesn’t sound like the Julian I know”, she breathed, “you’re so… _bright_. I can’t imagine you needing special needs education.”

“I did”, Julian breathed, “I would have needed it, but my parents decided they couldn’t handle the shame. They took me to Adigeon Prime for genetic resequencing. They changed _everything_ in me.”

Jadzia stood up and, to Julian’s surprise, hugged him. She held him close, one hand at his neck. It took Julian a moment to wrap his trembling arms around Jadzia. He pressed the lower half of his face against her shoulder, trying to hide from the world.

“How old were you”, Jadzia asked, “when they did this?”

“Six”, Julian whispered through the lump in his throat, “but I didn’t find out until I was fifteen. I…I don’t actually remember much about Adigeon Prime. Must have blocked it out. All I do remember was that I was really scared of being left alone in the hospital with all those feathery doctors. One of them showed me how she could fly to stop me from crying out to my parents.”

“Six years old”, Jadzia echoed. She was rubbing Julian’s back, trying to bring him some comfort. “That must have been terrible.”

Julian nodded. Blinking, he realised that his eyes had teared up and were leaking. With an astonishing speed, he pulled away from Jadzia’s embrace, backing up a few steps. He dug the heels of his palms against his eyes, hard enough to see little sparkles. When Jadzia saw this, she grabbed his forearms to stop Julian from injuring himself.

“Hey”, she said softly, “hey! Don’t do that; you might injure yourself.” Pulling Julian into another tight embrace, Jadzia whispered, “it’s okay now. You’re okay. I’m here. I’ve got you. No one is going to hurt you for what your parents did to you. If someone tries that, they’ll have to go through me and Worf to get to you. I promise.”

Julian bit his lower lip. The tears were flowing freely now, and Julian only wished he could hide somewhere where no one could see his weakness. He knew that, from a medical point of view, tears were meant to cleanse one’s body from negative emotions. But when Julian had been hiding his true self for so long? He wasn’t sure the tears could cleanse all the underlying emotions anymore.

“It’s okay now”, Jadzia whispered again, “I’m here; you’re not alone anymore.” Quieter, she added, “thanks for telling me all this. You’re not leaving DS9, are you?”

Pulling away, Julian shook his head. “No. I was ready to resign and leave for good, but my parents decided that they knew better. In a way, I do feel grateful, but…I don’t like how they still keep disrespecting my wishes.”

Jadzia sighed. “I’m glad they found a way for you to keep your job, but they shouldn’t have disrespected your wishes. That was wrong of them.”

Nodding, Julian attempted to dry his tears. He felt wretched. He had been terrified, and then relieved, and then again terrified a few times too many during these past few days. He was spent; he had no more energy to go on.

“Do you think Captain Sisko would let me take tomorrow off?” Julian breathed. “I think…I may need a few days off to rest. The past week has been too much.”

“I’m sure he will”, Jadzia said, “especially if he already knows. Does he?”

Julian nodded. “He does. I just…I’ve been on such high alert lately that I feel exhausted.”

Jadzia smiled at Julian. “Then you’d better go off to bed. You can tell me more about your past some other time. And about that teddy bear of yours. I feel like he has been on quite many adventures.”

“I will”, Julian agreed.

Walking out of the security office, Julian almost bumped into Odo who was standing right outside the door. Odo measured Julian with his eyes, noting how deflated the young doctor seemed. He harrumphed and stepped away to let Julian and Jadzia pass him.

“Everything is in order, then?” Odo asked.

Both Julian and Jadzia nodded. “As much as things can be”, Julian said, “but I figure things will return to normal in a few days. At least, no more interviews about me will take place.”

“Good”, Odo replied, “I didn’t much care for that Doctor Zimmermann. He had a terrible attitude towards everyone! I hope we’ll see you up and about in a few days, doctor.”

Feeling already a bit lighter, Julian smiled. Maybe, just maybe, everyone would be on his side, after all.

**Author's Note:**

> comint?


End file.
